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UNITED STATES - CIRCA 1950s: Woman with surprised look. (Photo by George Marks/Retrofile/Getty Images)


Recently, a proud grandpa told me how much he enjoyed watching his grandson sing at his first school program.  It was so fun.  I commented how preschoolers are so entertaining.  I went on with a little story that was both funny and shocking which in turn made the moment hysterical. 

The preschoolers were all lined up on the steps of the stage in our worship center.  The place was filled.  Each row was tight with people clamoring for a spot close enough to take pictures and videos of their precious children.  It really is about the only time the front rows of church are full while the back rows are abandoned.   

People were so thrilled when the Pre-K class began to line up on the steps of the stage.  They were about to present their beautiful songs about ears and toes, and other silliness we greatly approve of hearing.  They played their instruments while the music teacher begged and begged for them to sing.  The people applauded like a new wonderful tax cut had just been announced. 

The next musical piece did not involve instruments but rather some motions that were, let’s say, unfortunate.  As the music started, Miss Music Teacher began to flop her arms majestically as if to take flight so all the kids would follow her.  The motions were so much fun and the singing was loud since they enjoyed the song so much.  Then one little girl, who was having a good time singing and moving, spotted her big brother.  He was making fun of her.  She stopped. 

She became filled with such anger she could not sing.  Then she crossed her arms up real tight and turned her head in complete disgust.  This only made the brother even more delighted.  She cut her eyes toward him without moving her head.  Then, out of nowhere, she flipped him the bird!  I’m not talking about a parakeet.  The new motion being débuted in this performance was a real attention getter.  The brother loved it!  It simply fueled his desire to push even more.  I’m guessing her mom couldn’t see it through the lens of her camera.  

As soon as it was shared, it was gone.  She looked away as if to have the last word.  Wow!  It was a big word and right in the middle of the church.  Those who saw the not-so-melodious motion, gasped and reached for their spouse staring with great big shocked eyes as if to scream, “Did you see that?”  Brother was loving it and giving more so there might be more displays of affection. 

He was not disappointed!  The love stream had become a flooded river when all of a sudden, BAM! BAM! There were two more shots fired from her dainty middle fingers.  That’s right, she is ambidextrous.  She is able to express herself freely with either hand.  She fired, BAM!, under her folded arms or BAM!, on top of her pouting position.  She got a total of nine shots in during this beautiful little song that no one in the crowded room was listen to.   

The music teacher was horrified to say the least.  The teachers on the side witnessing this tragedy unfold, were motioning for her to stop and trying to get her to put her hands down.  Other children watching these teachers began mirroring their new motions to the song with great confusion.  Brother was winning and he knew it.  He was destroying the whole performance.  He loved it!   

To the music teacher’s relief, the never ending song finally was over.  Everyone clapped but the restrained laughter and effort of quiet conversation was louder than any applause at that point.  The music teacher rose from behind her music stand and went straight to the ridiculously angry little girl.  Miss Music Teacher spoke with a big beautiful smile some serious words that made the children on either side react in shock and horror as they turned their attention from the teacher to the little girl.  It was serious!  When Miss Music Teacher finished her one and only warning, she straightened her back, turned and faced the crowd with her big smile covering her scal of disapproval to return to her directing chair.  The wondering crowd sat quietly as if to say, “I’m glad it wasn’t me.” 

The girl seemed more focused and the brother was ready for level two.  “This is such a fun game.” he must have thought.  As the next song began, brother did too.  They were barely into the first verse when brother started his evil deeds.  Without hesitation, the girl stood up for herself, BAM, BAM, BAM!  She let him have it straight from the tips of her longest finger.  She could not hold back and she didn’t.  The mothers gasped.  Dads suddenly were glad they had attended such a performance.  Teachers swiftly came to the little girl’s rescue and helped her off the stage since the fight was so intense.  I know it was the right thing, but I was a little sad it was over.  I know, that’s bad of me. 

Each year, our gift to the parents is the recorded DVD of the presentation.  It took a team several tries to get all 12 birds blurred on the video.  I know it will be a treasure those families will enjoy for years to come.  I do. 

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